Since I began reading The Unmistakable Touch of Grace yesterday. One of the things Cheryl Richardson says is to watch for signs of Grace. The word, something that strikes a chord, something that may seem random but was meant to be there at that moment. I have had two moments of finding Grace today.
The first was when I was watching Grey's Anatomy recorded from last night. When I shut it off, the TV was on Channel 12 and the news was on. I decided to rewind the TV to see what Oprah's topic was today. It was about women who let themselves go, why they got there and how to renew themselves. I feel like these women who say they look in the mirror and don't recognize themselves.
I rarely look in the mirror these days, but when I do - I search my face, my eyes and wonder...where did I go? Or worse yet - was I ever here? The true authentic me? Have I ever truly been in the moment? Or have I just been in a zone, trying not to feel too deeply, not to think too deeply, just get through "x" and then everything will be OK. I'm tired of pondering the past and just running at full speed ahead - but to where? I truly want to find my purpose, to find true, inner happiness, to honestly and wholly love myself so that I may give pure love to others. And so my search for Grace and my purpose begins.
The second moment of Grace just came up a few minutes ago. While watching Laguna Beach on MTV of all things. I usually fast forward through the commercials but I saw a city scene that was pretty and I hit play. It was a commercial. As the skyline begins to turn into sunset behind the sky scrappers, a man's voice says: "The first indication that we are killing our dream, is a lack of time." Then the words "everyday grace" came up on the screen. I knew I was meant to see this. I wasn't going to write my feelings down today. But seeing this I felt compelled to write it down, so I can remember in the dark times to open myself up and let Grace touch me.
I feel anxious. I want to "get it" now. But that is not how this will work. I need to just be aware. To look. To listen. To absorb. It will come, peace, love, happiness. The universe is listening and I am listening to the universe. I feel like this is the right path. I will continue to pray to find these things my soul is aching for. I will continue to look for Grace.